Corah Christmas exchange
by pamthoseweregreatpumps
Summary: "Prompt: One year at Xmas, Cora secretly gives O'Brien a personal present along with a shattering thank you letter, which will led them both to confront their feelings for one another." So this is my contribution to the Christmas exchange on tumblr and I thought I'd upload it. OBSERVE that one part of this fic is M-RATED!


At Christmas time the inhabitants of Downton always exchanged gifts. It was a tradition, and traditions weren't commonly broken. It had been something entirely new to Cora when she arrived to Downton, but by now she was accustomed to it and enjoyed it just as much as everyone else. Though this year she felt there was one particular person who needed more than just a commonplace gift.

Over the past few months Cora's marriage had been, nicely put, exhausting. Oh how she loved that silly man, but the thing was that he too often was just that; silly. Ever since the war kicked off she felt them drifting away from each other with each passing day. She felt irritated because she knew Robert was taking 'his duty to his country' way too seriously. And he refused to discuss the matter with her because 'as an American' she'd never understand. Instead of pleading him to explain she went off on her own, something that annoyed Robert _beyond reason_. Cora refused to give in and so did Robert, which had caused their current situation. Instead of trying to sort things out, she just felt too annoyed to even bother at the moment, she spent more time with others in the household. Especially her lady's maid. Sarah O'Brien had been around for such a long time that Cora honestly couldn't imagine how her every day life would work without her. Whenever things got tough or just complicated in general her maid was there for her. With her witty remarks and open mind she had become Cora's number one ally over the years. O'Brien always said what was on her mind and kept her updated on what was going on downstairs, something Cora felt was incredibly important. Keeping the staff happy was one of her highest priorities. That was exactly the reason why she wanted to give her maid something special this year. Something more suiting than the usual drill. For some reason even thinking about what this gift could be made Cora excited. Buying things for Robert had never been too much fun and the girls were growing up so quickly and developing their own tastes, making it increasingly difficult to buy them gifts they'd actually enjoy. But with O'Brien she felt like whatever she gave her would be appreciated. Not that she claimed that O'Brien had lower standards than her own family, although that was probably true, but because O'Brien adored her. Adored. O'Brien had actually used that word once when Cora had been complaining about how nothing suited her and how boring she felt. "Well, I adore ya," was what her maid had said. Jokingly, of course, but it still lingered on Cora's mind. She smiled to herself as she strolled around in one of the large department stores in London. Since Robert had asked her to go into London and pick up their gift for Violet, a rather large and in Cora's opinion extravagant, golden watch, she felt she might as well look around and see if she found something suiting for O'Brien. Just as she was about to give up for today her eyes spotted something that was just _perfect_. So perfect she didn't need to think twice before picking it up and asking to get it wrapped.

* * *

When Cora got back to Downton she quickly hid the gift in one of her drawers in her bedroom. She wasn't entirely sure why she was sneaking around, but she knew that Robert would probably question it since she had already bought a gift for her maid. As Cora was about to leave her bedroom and join her family for tea she suddenly felt like that gift wasn't enough. Even though the gift was perfect for the occasion it didn't nearly convey everything Cora wanted to tell O'Brien. Besides, poor O'Brien would be left in a muddle if she got two gifts for no apparent reason after all these years. There were so many things she wanted to say to her maid. Too many. How could she ever tell her maid how thankful she was for her friendship? Instead of leaving her bedroom Cora sat back down at her desk, picked up a pen and some paper and begun to write. The letter started out in a quite formal tone, but as she continued writing the words practically flooded from the pen and she even had to slow herself down to make sure it would be readable. She wrote about their first meeting. She wrote about how thankful she was for her support throughout the years. She wrote about everything she could think of, as if she had had the need to tell O'Brien all of this for years. Which probably was true. When Cora finally finished the letter off with _Your Cora _she felt herself blush. What was the matter with her? This wave of emotions towards O'Brien surprised her and she couldn't quite put her finger on why she felt this letter was so necessary. It just was. Maybe signing it with her first name instead of her title was bold, but in all honesty she didn't have enough patience to re-write it. And it felt right, too. After such a personal letter it felt ridiculous to sign it as _Lady Grantham _or any other formality. This letter put them beyond that, surely. After placing the letter next to the gift in her drawer Cora suddenly felt very impatient. Christmas was still one week away. One week felt like an eternity. One week was way too long. But she had no other choice than to endure.

* * *

When Christmas arrived everyone at Downton drew a relieved sigh. Everyone except Sarah O'Brien who hated Christmas more than anything on the planet. That was a secret and she had kept it to herself, never uttering one word of her hatred towards the seemingly happy and cosy time of year. She didn't object to eating better food or anything, it was just the bitter fact that Christmas was supposed to be spent with the people you love. And especially around Christmas time she always felt like no one truly loved her. People treated her decently, but no one downstairs seemed to get attached to her. Maybe because she wasn't too pleasant to be around, but it had simply been the result of feeling left out most of the time. Thomas was the only one who was somewhat genuinely friendly to her, but even he had his limits. They were more allies than friends. She barely had any relationships to any of the people upstairs, her Ladyship was the only exception. But it stung to even think of her these days. Ever since her Ladyship had her little accident with the soap Sarah couldn't shake the feeling of betrayal. She made the biggest mistake of her life that day and there was no turning back. She didn't know why it kept hurting so badly; her Ladyship was wealthy and already had three children. But still, her Ladyship was a human being after all and since Sarah was her lady's maid she had seen a side of her mourning not many others had. It stung because Sarah knew it was all her fault and it stung because her Ladyship had always been so kind to her. Always, ever since she first arrived to Downton. She defended her and wanted her honest opinion on things, which was more than Sarah could say for any of her former employers. This job was, by far, the nicest one she had ever had. Maybe this was why Christmas felt so unpleasant? Suddenly the lines between being a servant and a true member of the family became clearer than ever. Christmas was to be spent with the people you love, not the people who help you dress every single day. Sarah sighed loudly as she ate her Christmas food, trying to ignore how incredibly happy everyone around her seemed to be.

"You don't seem very cheerful today miss O'Brien." Mrs Hughes said in that stuck up tone of hers and Sarah couldn't prevent herself from frowning at this unnecessary comment. Couldn't the woman leave her alone, it being Christmas and all?

"Nothing wrong with me mrs Hughes, just a bit tired is all." she muttered and made her excuses to go to bed. There was nothing worse than being questioned by mrs Hughes, it was a bloody agony and that was the end of it.

When Sarah opened the door to her room she sighed, as she had been doing pretty much all day, before she sat down on her bed. She was just about to get up again and make herself ready for the night when she spotted something lying on her bedside table. She looked at it questioningly for a few seconds before her curiosity took over. She realised quickly that there seemed to be two things waiting there for her; an envelope and a package. Being more curious with the package she decided to open that first. She gasped at the sight before her, not only because she had never been so surprised in her life, but because she knew exactly who this must be from. She now held a copy of William Blake's _The Marriage of Heaven and Hell _in her hands and there was only one person in the world who knew about her interest in literature. And, especially, in William Blake. Her hands were trembling as she picked up the envelope and took out the letter. She recognised her Ladyship's handwriting immediately and at the sight of it her heart skipped a beat. It was from her after all. But what for? She had already given her a gift earlier, why would she give her another one? And when had she found the time to sneak into her room? Instead of trying to figure out answers to her questions Sarah started reading the letter. Maybe reading it would provide answers and calm her down. She didn't have to read much of it though before it became obvious that this letter would not by any means calm her down. She finished the whole letter without pauses and didn't realise until after she was finished that tears were rolling down her cheeks. This letter was, without doubt, the sweetest one she had ever received. The fact that it was signed with_ Your Cora _made Sarah so deliriously happy she couldn't find words. Someone actually cared for her in this house. Her Ladyship cared, and much more than Sarah had ever dared to hope for. She suddenly glanced at the clock and debated whether she should go and see her Ladyship now or wait until tomorrow. She figured her Ladyship wasn't entirely sure how her maid would react to these, what could be interpreted as, personal intrusions and decided to go and see her now, so her Ladyship could get a good night's sleep.

As she knocked on the door and heard her Ladyship's soft voice tell her to come in Sarah suddenly got nervous. It was getting rather late and she surely looked like a mess, with her teary eyes and whatnot. Nonetheless she entered the room, for better or for worse.

* * *

When Cora heard a knock on her door she immediately glanced at the clock. It was too late for it being one of her daughters and she knew for a fact that Robert had been sound asleep for at least an hour. She didn't dare to hope that it would be her maid coming up this late, but when the door opened she immediately got distracted.

"O'Brien, are you quite alright?" Cora asked anxiously, referring to her maid's teary eyes and in general messy appearance. She felt a knot build inside her stomach. What if her maid was upset because of that she had sneaked into her room earlier today? Oh God, what if O'Brien wanted to leave?

"I'm fine, m'Lady. Actually I'm more than fine." said the maid and appeared to try and manage a smile, though she failed miserably.

"You don't look fine, have I upset you?" Cora asked as she closed the door behind her maid who nervously took a few steps into the room.

Cora followed, equally nervous, because she had no idea what went on in O'Brien's head at the moment and it scared her to think that her efforts to be kind to her had gone wrong. What if she hadn't enjoyed the gifts at all, only thought of them as inappropriate and silly?

"I.. I'm so sorry if I offended you, I.. I just wanted.." Cora stuttered, but she didn't manage to finish her incoherent sentence because she felt herself start crying and she tried desperately to compose herself, but in vain. She couldn't take her eyes off her maid, she looked so dissolved and confused. Cora cursed herself for being so impulsive, what had she been thinking? Now everything was ruined.

"I'm so sorry, I don't know why I'm crying, I just.."

Suddenly everything came crashing down for Cora. Nothing ever went right, ever. Everything was a complete mess and it was all her fault. It was her fault she lost Robert and now O'Brien, too. She was too distracted to even notice how her maid closely approached her and gasped when she felt herself being captured in her warm embrace. For a few seconds she tried to question what was going on, but when she felt her maid gently stroke her back and whisper sweet, calming things into her ear she held on as if her life depended on it. They stayed that way for what seemed to be a very long time, but neither of them knew how much time had really passed. Cora enjoyed the physical contact much more than she ought to, she had felt so neglected in that department lately. When Cora felt calm enough she carefully sneaked out of her maid's embrace, but she grabbed hold of her hands just when they were about to part entirely. She shyly met the other woman's eyes before asking something she was dying to know.

"Why were you crying?"

* * *

Sarah felt so happy embracing her Ladyship, she never wanted it to end. She was in tears, they both were, and there was so much left to talk about. Honestly the talk she knew would come scared Sarah. She didn't know how she should behave or approach this situation. She wanted her Ladyship to know how thankful she was, but she was petrified it might come out wrong. She felt a chill down her spine when her Ladyship grabbed hold of her hands and squeezed them lightly.

"Why were you crying?"

Her Ladyship's voice was barely a whisper and Sarah squeezed her hands back before answering what she had wanted to say ever since she entered the room:

"I'm crying because I'm happy, m'Lady."

She smiled reassuringly at her Ladyship who didn't seem all that convinced. The hurt in her eyes broke Sarah's heart. There was no reason at all for her to be hurt, none at all. At least not that Sarah could think of. The letter and the book had warmed her heart more than she could ever say, and the fact that her Ladyship reacted so strongly to her tears only made her heart beat even faster. When her Ladyship didn't reply, only kept looking at her anxiously, Sarah added:

"I am happy, your Ladyship. So very happy I can't even phrase it properly. I thank you so much for your kindness."

She finally earned a shy smile from her Ladyship, who seemed to be a bit more comfortable. Sarah smiled back, she was so delighted at how things were turning out. Sarah felt her Ladyship stroke her hands gently and she felt her heart skip a beat when their eyes met.

"I'm glad, truly, I was so scared you were upset. And please, when no one is around, call me Cora." she whispered.

"If I'm to call you Cora, you must call me Sarah." she replied quickly and smiled smugly at Cora.

Cora smiled and nodded back,

"Alright, that I can accept, Sarah."

Upon hearing her mistress address her by her first name Sarah felt a lot more at ease. Somehow she hadn't really believed she could ever get this close to anyone like Cora, a countess for crying out loud. To Cora she should be nothing but a servant, a servant who should be replaced when found unwanted. This somehow made her feel like she wasn't that easy to just replace. It warmed her heart, for she finally felt like her presence at Downton was appreciated. When she looked up into Cora's eyes and saw her smiling at her Sarah suddenly felt so mesmerised by the woman standing in front of her. This woman truly owned her, body and soul, there was nothing she wouldn't do for her. If she'd ask her to swim the English channel she would. If she'd ask her to leave and never come back, she would. Although it would break her heart into a million pieces. Slowly, ever so slowly, she closed up the distance between them, without letting go of the other woman's hands. When she was so close she could practically hear Cora's heartbeat raise she placed her lips on hers. The second their lips came in contact with each other Sarah wanted to curse herself for being so inappropriate and impulsive. When she felt Cora return and even deepen the kiss Sarah thought she might be drifting among the clouds. Cora's soft lips enchanted her and before Sarah even realised what she was doing her hands had made their way up the other woman's torso. Sarah sighed as she cupped Cora's heaving breasts, but her happiness was only temporary.

* * *

How kissing her own maid could feel so right was a complete mystery to Cora. But it felt right, it truly did. She should feel outraged but she didn't. She should pull away from the kiss, but she didn't do that either. It had been a long time since anyone had kissed her like this. So tenderly, so sweetly. It wasn't until she felt her maid's hands cup her breasts and gently squeeze them she realised what she was really doing. Cora pulled away, more because of chock than anything else. Before she had a chance to speak her maid was blurting out mountains of excuses.

"I'm so sorry, m'Lady, I mean Cora, I mean.. I didn't mean to do that, I just.."

She silenced her with a light kiss and Cora really had to try her hardest not to laugh at her maid's confused expression. She leaned in close and captured Sarah in a hug. She felt the other woman relax as she gently stroked her back.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pull away. You took me by surprise, that's all." she whispered into her ear, "I've just realised how much you mean to me, Sarah. How much you've always meant to me. I don't know what I'd do without you."

She tightened the grip on her maid placed light kisses on her neck.

"I meant it, every word in that letter. You're the only one I can always rely on." she whispered.

She felt Sarah tighten her grip on her as well and she nearly started crying again when she heard her maid whisper:

"I don't know what I'd do without you either. I can't imagine a world without you in it. I.. I _love_ you, Cora."

Their eyes met and Cora thought she saw fear in the other woman's eyes for a brief second. Fear because she was frightened her love was unrequited? She never wanted Sarah to fear again, she never wanted her to get hurt again. She never wanted them to part.

"I love you too." Cora whispered, "I'll never let anyone hurt you."

* * *

_AN; if you don't like smut, just skip this bit okay? M-rated.  
_

Without parting they faced each other again, and this time their kisses were less innocent. They had both been waiting so long for this. Sarah slowly guided Cora towards the bed while she returned the favour of trailing kisses down her neck and collarbones. Cora had already gotten started on the task of freeing her maid from her clothes, because while she was in her nightgown the other woman was still in her stiff uniform and suddenly Cora felt very naked in comparison. Some of Sarah's clothing landed with a thud on the floor just before she slowly pushed Cora down on her back at the end of the bed. She was surprised by how sufficiently her mistress had removed some of her clothing and smiled to herself when she looked down and saw Cora reach out to pull her down on the bed with her. Without further ado Sarah grabbed hold of the end of Cora's nightgown and, earning a surprised gasp from Cora, pulled it over her head before she had a chance to protest. Sarah couldn't help but stare at the beauty uncovered in front of her. She had seen Cora naked many times before, but seeing her like this, lying underneath her with that adorably flushed face.. Well, it was far more appealing than it normally was. Sarah quickly leaned in and took one of Cora's nipples into her mouth, earning a surprised shriek from the other woman. The shriek soon turned into lusty moans but when Sarah allowed her hand to travel down Cora's stomach she was surprised when Cora grabbed hold of her and changed their positions. Sarah was now lying on her back helplessly and Cora quickly straddled her. When Sarah's hands eagerly reached out for her breasts Cora gave them a gentle smack.

"No, you may not touch me until I've undressed you." she said with a coy smile before continuing the task of freeing Sarah of her clothes.

Sarah sighed impatiently but secretly she loved watching Cora trying to get her out of her clothes. Her efficiency proved to be limited and not before too long Cora looked so concentrated on her task Sarah couldn't suppress a giggle.

"Need any help?" she asked teasingly.

"Oh shut up, Sarah.." Cora muttered, but she couldn't hide her own amusement. She really was useless when it came to this, but she was also very eager to finish this task. The combination wasn't ideal.

When she finally freed Sarah of her clothing they both let out a sigh as they could finally embrace one another without any barriers whatsoever stopping them from touching and loving each other. Neither of them never felt as whole as they did at this moment. They were finally together, finally equal and finally honest to themselves. Cora felt Sarah's hands work their way in between her legs and when she felt two fingers plunge inside her she desperately tried to restrain herself in fear of waking Robert. This was bliss, she was sure of it. Her maid's hands made her feel so truly adored. Sarah couldn't understand what was going on. She couldn't for the life of her believe she was in bed making love to Cora Crawley, Lady Grantham, a countess. She couldn't for the life of her believe she was responsible for the noises the other woman was making. She thought Cora was nearly there when she felt her fingers being removed and instead the other woman lowered her head and trailed kisses down her stomach. Their eyes met briefly before Sarah felt Cora's mouth reaching its target. That Sarah was gasping for breath after mere seconds was an understatement. She felt as if her whole body was on fire. She had never been loved so sweetly before.

* * *

How many hours had passed? Neither of them knew. The only thing they did know was that they were now lying together under the covers in Cora's bed. Sarah looked down on her lover and smiled when Cora snuggled herself deeper into her embrace. Holding Cora like this, gently trailing fingers up and down her back, feeling her heartbeat and hearing her breathe.. Sarah placed a light kiss on the other woman's forehead and whispered:

"Thank you."

Cora looked up just as Sarah continued.

"Thank you for making this the best Christmas ever."

Cora smiled and couldn't help but feeling proud of herself for making Sarah so happy. As Sarah had made her – happy. Happier than she had been in a very, very long time.

"The first one of many." Cora said as she leaned in and kissed Sarah one more time.


End file.
